More Cultural Differences - The Stefan Episode:

I’m not sure whether this will fly as a Medium story but having seen that people write about every subject under the sun here, I’ll write it anyway. I was writing recently about cultural differences between Irish and German people and it reminded me of another encounter which this time took place in Turkey. It was quite hilarious at the time but may not transfer to print. I was in Istanbul undertaking a review at the airport and I had been in town for just over a week. My German colleague was visiting for two days and, in true Germanic fashion, he flew in on the Sunday night so as to get a full day’s work done on the Monday.

As we are good friends as well as colleagues, we met on the Sunday evening for dinner. I chose a very nice fish restaurant on the Bosphorus. My German friend arrived and announced that he hadn’t eaten that day and was starving. Now, anyone who has visited Istanbul will testify that service is excellent, waiters speak all languages and the system is generally very efficient. Except perhaps on a Sunday night? I don’t know if it was the restaurant I chose or whether all the multi-lingual waiters take Sunday night off, but what followed was hilarious (for me) and utterly frustrating (for Stefan, my German colleague).

We were ushered to our table and asked for menus. A very pleasant smiling man came to our table and announced: ‘Let me introduce myself to you; my name is Mustafa and I’m honoured to be your waiter for this evening.’ I smiled back and shook his hand, which he had offered. Stefan ignored his hand and asked for menus. Mustafa completely ignored him and launched into a speech where he welcomed us to Turkey, told us where he was from and began to outline the benefits of his home town and tried to convince us that it was definitely worth visiting. I was listening intently to him and was thoroughly enjoying his presence (mind you, I had had lunch). Stefan waited impatiently and again requested menus. These were eventually provided and were multi-lingual. When we queried something on the menu, Mustafa, astonishingly, announced that he couldn’t speak English. This drove Stefan crazy and he said, ‘but you have just been bullshitting in English for the last five minutes.’ Mustafa just smiled and said, ‘sorry, I don’t understand.’ I guess this is the experience a lot of us have when we can speak a small amount of a language – we can frame a few sentences but when someone speaks back to us, we are lost and have to revert to our native tongue.

At this stage, Stefan, who was getting more frustrated (and hungrier), asked him if he could please bring the wine which we had selected. Mustafa said certainly but continued to speak about his village, which apparently was five thousand years old and was a famous place in eastern Turkey. He even took out his phone and showed us where it was located on Google maps. Stefan ignored this and asked him if he could speak German. Mustafa shook his head and said the only language he could speak was Turkish. Stefan then asked if we could please have another waiter. He has visited Istanbul as often as me and is familiar with their usual very precise and efficient service, so these guys were really trying his patience.

Mustafa understood his discomfort and said certainly. He went and fetched a younger waiter and ushered him to the table. The introduction scenario started all over again. This waiter was called Berat and he proceeded to tell us where he was from and began to outline the benefits of his home town, which was somewhere remote in central Turkey. Before he could get very far, Stefan stopped him and enquired if he could speak English. Berat said that unfortunately he could not and that it was a pity that his brother Eldar wasn’t working tonight because he spoke excellent English. He also told us that his brother was a very pleasant fellow and that we were sure to like him. At this stage, even I was admitting that the service was, to say the least, unusual, but I was laughing so much that I wasn’t bothered. Berat realised that Stefan was getting angry so he quickly repaired to the inner part of the restaurant (we were sitting on the balcony) and emerged with yet another waiter. This guy was a total disaster and didn’t have a word of English so we dismissed him.

Berat re-emerged and Stefan asked him sharply, ‘is it possible to get something to eat in this restaurant?’ Berat smiled and said of course. He then led us to an area where there was a very impressive display of fish. We disregarded the menu and basically pointed to whatever fish we wanted and asked the chef to fry it and serve it with a salad. Back at the table, as we waited, Stefan asked why we had had to go through the nonsense with the waiters. I had no answer but he then began to blame me for the farce and accused me of ‘encouraging them.’ I’m sure I engaged in conversation with them as I love speaking to people, finding where they’re from and hearing about different places. Perhaps he was right, I probably did and of course here we are back to cultural differences. Many Irish people would spend half the day talking to people whereas a German would get straight down to business with the absolute minimum of small talk. Our discussion was interrupted by the arrival of Mustafa with the wine we had ordered. This was very pleasant and calming so things returned to normal for a while.

After a short time, Berat arrived with our fish, which looked (and tasted) delicious. But having delivered the food, he didn’t discreetly withdraw, as a waiter usually does. Not at all, he launched into another speech in which he reiterated that it was a pity his brother wasn’t there as we would have had a great chat. The problem was that his brother was currently visiting their homeland, Turkmenistan, where their sister and parents lived. I know I should have concentrated on my food but I had often wondered at what the relationship was between Turkey and Turkmenistan so I listened intently and even tried a question or two. Stefan mumbled that I was encouraging the guy again but ignored us and ate his dinner. Berat then told us that there was another waiter who had actually been born in Turkmenistan and if we liked, he could bring him to the table. Stefan immediately raised a hand and said, ‘No, please, can you go away and leave us to eat in peace?’

He did and we enjoyed the dinner; we even managed to have dessert because it was all on display so we just had to select. We ordered more wine and we had even managed to start a discussion on our retail project when Berat returned to the table accompanied by a guy whom he introduced as Milan. I could see Stefan casting his eyes to heaven and shaking his head. Milan started to tell us about the commonalities between Turkey and Turkmenistan. He explained that both countries have ‘Turk’ in their names and their languages are almost identical due to ancient historical connections but they are separate and distinct nations with different cultures and histories. Because of the similarities, the nations are very close and many people from Turkmenistan immigrate to Turkey. For me, it was most interesting and I could have listened to the guy all night. However, Stefan made it clear that he couldn’t so Milan departed after a short while.

I could understand his frustration but I found it difficult to be in any way critical of the waiters because all were so friendly and pleasant. Perhaps their concentration wasn’t on their primary task but I guess it was Sunday night and the restaurant wasn’t busy. Anyway, I have had worse dining experiences. I was once in a French restaurant where the custom, when you ordered wine, was that the waiters tasted it for you. Our waiter poured a generous measure for himself and immediately pronounced it magnifique. He had clearly been serving people before us and to say he was very inebriated would be mild. He was actually very drunk and proceeded to mix up almost everyone’s order. It didn’t bother him though and he continued smiling through it all. But this story is for another day as cultural differences between Ireland and France will probably take more than one article. ☺